ITT: WE MAKE FUN OF YOUR BAND

Generally, we keep things on the posi-tip around here. But occasionally, we forego our policy of ignoring things we don't like and decide to be a bit more pro-active in informing you about upcoming events which may crash unknowingly into your evening. Take the Houston 100 this weekend at Fitz and The Shiloh, for example. Yes, you read that correctly, your mid-Heights refuge from all that is cool, loud and dreaming of Charvelle guitars will be taken over tonight and tomorrow by a bunch of bands you've likely never heard of.

So, inspired by Paul Ford of the morningnews.org's six word review of every single SXSW mp3, we decided to take a listen to all of the Saturday bands listed so we could inform you about what you might end up hearing should you venture to that place you like to venture to (Friday is all Metal, and so our review is that they are loud and terrible; we didn't have the schedule when we started this so we didn't know at the time who to review and who to leave out and even though we do now wouldn't it be a shame to throw all this wit away).

If you are in one of these bands, you will no doubt be upset. Please try to understand, it's your fault - you are in your band and shouldn't be aping tired old forms of music.

Arise the Fallen - finally somebody combines the Killer’s Las Vegas vision of LA with Nickleback’s LA vision of Las Vegas.

The Blue Poptarts – We really wanted this to be a ska band, so how could we not be disappointed?

Counter Current - Don’t Tell Mom, the Babysitter’s Dead.

Powerhouse - Ok, we actually really like this is a guilty pleasure Atom and His Package kinda way; Carrie Murphy would love this band.

Lunara – People who were so young in the 90s shouldn’t try to keep it alive.

Blackstar - Vote for them to go on warped tour. Forever.

Odd Toddler – CTR+A CTR+X CTR+W. DO NOT SAVE WORK BEFORE EXITING.

Hollow Condolences - Indeed.

Defining Tonight - Coming soon to a valet job near you.

Scarcella 31 - 31 is their combined age?

Action Frank – PUNK ACTION! FRANK ROCK! FRANKLY.

Been Better Off – Here’s a tip – as annoying as it is when bands talk at the beginning of their tracks, put off the music as long as possible.

Midnight Vanity - Way to not play along by making us watch videos instead of listening to tracks and then have your camera person walk around the whole time and give us motion sickness

Useful Information – How many pop punk bands can the planet support people – SUSUTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT for crying out loud!

Defcon 7 – If DEFCON 1 is nuclear war and DEFCON 5 is peace, then what is this?

On Impact – In Francisco’s, no one can hear you screamo.

Tod The Fox - We like bands we can’t pigeonhole; should do a show with The Tontons because the people at this battle of the bands are going to hate them.

Unappreciated - ATTN ROY: The Fatal Flying Guilloteens and O’Doyle Rules are in their top friends.

Josh Finley - A lot of kids with Hot Topic credit cards are going to be very upset when you take the stage.

Jody Seabody and the Whirls - Hey Jody, you should change your MySpace password cause you got haxor3d by a band that sounds noting like your name.

Oxcart Pilot - Kind of a cross between Co-Pilot and mytwilightpilot.

La Sed - ONE MILLION WORDS:


Achilles Revenge - - Their vocalist is named Mr T.; Pity.

Never Ending - - We know how you feel.

Hailstone –This entire sentence is being played though a wah pedal.

Where Vegas Lies - ROCK! ALTERNATIVE! PUNK! We could do this all day.

Ex Officio -We bet someone in this band plays barefoot, ya know, to be WEEEEEIIRRD

Shaddai - Finally an accurate bio; they really are taking my favorite alternative music to a whole new level.

Empty Hollow - How bad could it be:



Drawback Six - There’s only one drawback. Six of them.

Sometimes Nothing - And sometimes, even less than nothing.

The Rocketeer - Again, another blown opportunity to be a ska band.

Alligator Assassins – For a Southern Rock band, they’re decidedly gentile.

Robin Leigh - we are shocked that a female solo performer is being allowed into the Fitzgeralds complex.

Crandallism – We believe that Caalma records is accepting unsolicited demos.

ATTN THIS WEEKEND: YOU ARE FROM BAKERSFIELD ORIGINALLY

And your parents? Pittsburgh. YUSS – starting Sunday we begin phase one of our tour of the childhood and ancestral homes of our most favorite of all fictional character, Dr. Ben Jabituya, in Bakersfield. BUT IN THE MEANTIME – there are hella shows to consider! As always, we spend most of the spring on the road learning and yearning and sharing – SO BANDS – send us your upcoming releases so we have something to listen to and write about during our loneliest of travels. WE ARE COUNTING ON YOU!

FRIDAY
Western Civilization, Listen Listen and Motion Turns it On @ Walter’s
Three of the cities decidedly underrated on a single bill. Noice. This is the Civ’s tour kickoff, so be sure and drop by to fill their coffers with gas money. Listen Listen has a new record in the works, so we hope they’ll share some of those new tracks.

American Sharks and Young Mammals + Mlee Marie @ 2220 Commerce
Another epic Jacob Calle warehouse party (across the street from Bootleg) and there will be DJs all night. For the event, the Young Mammals will be reprising their performance from the Hootenanny! as the Pixies. YUSSS. Free. Byob. Bands start at 11.

The Dirtbombs, Kelly Stolz and Dead Roses @ Rudyards
You can see from the poster, that this show is gonna be HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT.

Aceyalone @ Rich’s
As of press time, we cannot figure out if this is a live set or a DJ gig, as was the case with the recent MSTRKRFT debacle.

Southern Culture on the Skids @ The Continental Club
Whatever. We love this band.


SATURDAY
Dengue Fever @ The Orange Show
We’ve been terrified to goto the Orange Show for years ever since a dude that worked there knocked us out COLD at Stuka. So you know it’s got to be on seriously PUNCHY act that would have us risking our glassiest of jawlines to venture into such hostile ground. Who knew it would be a LA-based Cambodian indie-pop band that would do it? Stranger things have happened.

Saturday Secret Show @ The Shady Tavern
We’re not sure who is playing this week (no hints!) – but perhaps if you know you could leave it in the comments. Bands start at 2pm. Yusss.

Neil Hamburger, Danny Rios, Eric Diekman, Letters to Voltron @ The Mink
This bill would be better if it was Letters to Cleo opening up.

The Fleshtones, The Ugly Beats, Born Liars @ Rudyard's
Didn’t this same show happen on Friday?

Bret Michaels @ The Meridian
Cmon. You know all those episodes of Rock of Love makes this far more tempting than it should be.

Southern Culture on the Skids @ The Continental Club
Whatever. We love this band. Two nights in row.


SUNDAY
Something Fierce @ Dean's Credit Clothing
We’ll be in California. You should be here.

This week in SCENE HISTORY: We fawned all over the debut record by The Western Civilization, calling it the best sounding record to come out of the city so far in 2007. We shared bad pictures of a Kimonos/Le Thargic show and had a next-level day at the Free Press' WHIPS Westheimer Block Party (where we met BIG DEAL LADIES Sabra Laval, Mlee Marie and Elaine Greer for the first time). Big ups were distributed to the kids in The Church of Philadelphia. David Arquette hung out at the Proletariat and rocked it live with The Black Math Experiment.

DUMB QUESTIONS/SMART ANSWERS: THE WELFARE MOTHERS

Though it once was, it's not every week that we're able to sit a spell and trade a few words with one of Houston's finest. This week, however, we were fortunate enough to compel two of the first-of-the-month-anticipating gentlemen of The Welfare Mothers (BC and Kyle) to take a few minutes off their busy schedule of productive-citizen skirting ennui to answer a 40oz of the dumbest questions we could think of. Read em and weep:

What are some of your favorite records lately?
BC: Leonard Cohen – Death of a Ladies Man, Golden Boys – Whiskey Flower, The Spread Eagles – Don't Be a Drag 7"
Kyle: Cherry Blossoms LP, Dan Melchior - "The Pink Scream" EP, Johnny Lunchbreak Acetate LP, Tales of Terror S/T LP, Thomas Function – various 7 inch records

Are there any Houston bands who you've been digging lately? BC:??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Kyle: Party Owls

What's your secret Houston place?
BC: The corner of Stanford and Fairview at 1 A.M.
Kyle: If I tell you, it won't be…

What is the first sentence of the page you are on in a book you are reading right now?
BC: "Michael said that I could tease you and get you hot, but we can't have
sex until later on." Heather replied. – Beach Babes
Kyle: "For the first time in months, I was able to remove my underwear without laying on the ground."

What's the best thing you have spent money on in the last year?
BC: Jimmy Sanchez
Kyle: Pizza

What is the best thing you got for free in the last year?
BC: Jonny Patrick
Kyle: Pizza

What question should we ask the band next time?
BC: Why are you killing "the scene"?
Kyle: Why do you hate your mother?

Spitzer or Killpatrick?
Kyle: I'm not a fan of Star Trek
BC: I'm not a fan of black people or white people.

What do the welfare mothers have going on right now?
Kyle: Songwriting and hopefully a long string of good quality vinyl
BC: We finished recording with the legendary old man known as Tim Kerr and Mike Vasquez at Sweatbox Studios in Austin, TX. We are about to release a 7" followed closely by two more 7" possibly a split with The Born Liars. The first one should be out in the next month or so. We look to have maybe an LP out by the end of this year. We are going to do what most Houston bands do after that, and that is of course blow all earnings on drugs and develop some sort of nasty STD, and break the f**k up.

Check out the Welfare Mothers at their next show, June 7th at Rudyards. Thats like one million days from now.

Stream: The Welfare Mothers - Various Tracks

Photo Credit: Greg Rabel

RULING US LATELY: PIANO VINES

The other day we were having a seriously VIP cookout with the guys from So Many Dynamos. In spite of their being from a city that also homes the St. Louis Cardinals, cursed redcoats of the National League Central, the Dynamos are actually fantastic people and since their band name sounds like it could be a reference to our fotbol club, we can give them a pass. During this afternoon of delight, talk turned to their local music scene and mention of their local "Broken Social Scene Band" and "Arcade Fire Band". Chuckles abounded. But it got us thinking as our Portugean man-servant Raoul flipped the Kobe Beef burgers on the grill - setting aside the pigeonholing and style-biting fun-poking that might come with it - where are the densely composed, sweetly performed, catchy as all can-be local pop acts with that signature uplifting panache that has been ruling our own non-Houston listening lately? Surely the City of Syrup has more to offer than the heavy diet of castor oil we've been taking in lately.

So, mid conversation about, we brought up The Piano Vines. After some "kids these days" grumbling about a band that appears to have spent more time in the studio than on the stage, the conversation moved on, but by that point we already had the Vines on the mind, and an awareness that we have not shared our fondness for them with you yet, just as we will never share the recipe that made those burgers so delicious. BUT SHARING TITE JAMS IS WHAT WE DO. WE ARE SUSPECT IN OUR DUTIES! FORGIVE!

Their latest track, The Life of Walter Price, is their strongest homebrew yet, causing us to spend a stalk-tacular amout of time on their MySpace page. More than ever before, Pam Cantu's voice is the plant living on the top of your cubicle wall, a conspicuous reminder of organic beauty in a place where scientifically tested shades of the most-boring grey, window-blocking right-angled insult walls and teeting stacks of trade magazines conspire to deny you your love of natural light. The rest of the biblically named men of the band (David, Matthew, Zach) nail the songs simple, sparking sunlight on the river arrangement. It's like they took our cookout to San Marcos and floated the entire thing down the creek without getting our laptops wet. We love them for that.

As we alluded too, Piano Vines don't get out much. They are, however, doing a stint at the Westheimer Block Party on April 12th, 3:45pm, Avante Garden outside stage. Stoked.

Stream: Piano Vines - The Life of Walter Price

ATTN THIS WEEKEND: YOU ARE FREAKING US OUT LIKE ANNE RICE

Remember back in the day when Anne Rice wrote books about vampires and body thieves and devils and every kid in your theater class who had a discman full of Cure jams and black fingernail polish and clove cigarettes in their bag also couldn't quite decide if it was ok to like the movie Interview with a Vampire? Well, according to our sources on the radio, it turns out that lately she's been writing a series of books fictionalizing the life of The Christ. And not in a heretical, Last Temptation sort of way either. No less a endorser than President Bush's director of Faith Based Programs gave it a glowing review. Freaky. Here's whats going on this holiest of weekends.

FRIDAY
Studemont Project, Peekaboo Theory, J. Tyagaraj, The Ton Tons @ Warehouse Live
Is it Tontons or Ton Tons? Regardless, not less a respected authority than the maddeningly deposed former Press Music Editor Chris Gray called the band his number one discovery at SXSW this year. We recently saw that the Free Press considered their new EP excellent in spite of how long it had been sitting on his desk without a review. We'd have to agree on both parts. J Tyagaraj is of Million Year Dance and will no doubt will bring the dharma, while Houston Music Award winners Peekaboo Theory should be on your check-out list if you haven't before. Live rock-rappers Studemont Project headline. WARNING TO ALL RAPPERS: We are changing our editorial policy and writing critically about you this year.

Perseph One CD Release Party @ Sucker Punch Clothing
We really like the production on the few of her tracks we've heard to date: on the modeling synth side of the scales; more Analog Brothers than Black Elvis, and Dan the Automator would probably go running as fast as he could (whatever happened to that dude, by the way?) As we warned above, look for us to write more about her in the new future as soon as we get the vocabulary to do so.

Rory & The Artificial Heart, The Eastern Sea, Ernie Banks, The Wild Moccasins, The Giddy Multitudes @ Walters
According to the flyer, this show starts at 8pm, which seems unlikely because we don't think Roy is able to go out of the house that early. Austin headliners describe themselves as having "quickly evolved their sound into a fusion of new school rock and disco by way of a raw emotional state characterized by the vocals and tense guitar hooks." Be careful what you put in your one-sheet, because sometimes people are lazy and will cut and paste it. The Eastern Sea, also from Austin, we will describe as "quickly evolved with sound into a fusion of folk and indie by way of a raw emotional state characterized by vocals and acoustic guitars." Locals Ernie Banks are on our watcho list, and the Wild Moccasins should probably be on yours. Kazoo-sounding steel guitar pwners The Giddy Multitude open up.

SATURDAY
David Dondero, benjamindavismurphy, Mitch Vegas @ Walter's on Washington
YUS!

The Wiggins, Nectarine, Hungry Villagers, A Thousand Cranes @ The Engine Room
People Rave about a thousand cranes. We have no clue how to write about noise music. What the Rice is Nectarine doing on this bill?

SUNDAY
Lenny Briscoe, Sew What, Like Yeah @ Boondocks
Lenny Briscoe is the husband/wife team of JD and Stacey Tucker, who are also half of Over Sea/Under Stone, have been known to back-up Sew What when she plays live. Will they make it three for three and do drums and bass for Like Yeah as well?!?! Guess you'll have to show up for this free show to find out.
UPDATE:turns out this show is on Monday.


Drawing of Anne Rice by Craig Hamilton

ONE YEAR AGO THIS WEEK: This week in Skyline history we started our tradition of having other people go to SXSW for us, and started previewing bands for the Westheimer Block Party, many of which would become our favorites during the year, including Sabra Laval, The Generic Tribe and the now defunct .belville. We interviewed the Riff Tiffs, and had our first ever recommendation that you go check out this band called Hearts of Animals.

FLOWERS BLOOM ON NEW EP

So Flowers to Hide have been around since, what, 2001 or so? And do you have their record? No. Cause they haven't put one out yet. Granted, they've been seemingly on-again off-again during the years, and they did do some recording earlier on in their life. But NOTHING like their forthcoming (and still tentatively named) 503 ep, which they recently wrapped-up recording at Sugarhill studios. And, presumably for a limited time while they bother themselves with things like artwork and reproduction and packaging, they've got the entire thing up for your streaming pleasure on their MySpace page.

503 takes the sometimes cold, nearly always bummed-out and rarely temperature-rising recent trend towards shoegazing and paints over the cold blue with a fresh coat of red and orange. In spite of the recent standout tracks in this direction locally, only Flowers to Hide seem to have remembered that some of the hottest jams ever to come out of Space City were recorded by dudes who packed their videos full of hot rods. The ep combines the largeness and fetish for effects of early Ride with the danceable tempos of New Wave and the anti-hookism of post-punk.

Flowers to Hide don't have a show scheduled till May, so hearing their reborn sound on record will have to do for now. Helluva substitute. Recommended.

Stream: Flowers to Hide - 503 ep

BREAKING NEWS: LOMAX BACK IN THE EDITOR'S CHAIR!

We've been big fans of The Press' new music editor, Chris Gray. We even had a few beers with him at the Big Top one night: and he's a solid guy whose local coverage we were looking forward to reading for years to come. So we were a little hit in the chest when we read this bulletin from him just moments ago:

Guess what? About an hour after I had finally finished all my SXSW writing, I found out that the Houston Press parent company has eliminated my friend and colleague John Nova Lomax's Executive Music Editor position, sending him back to Music Editor at the Press, sending me back to... well, I don't really know that yet, and no one else seems to either.

This is still sinking in, and will continue to do so for several days I'm sure. But if ANY of you out there has any ideas how a writer/editor specializing in music might be able to put food on the table, now would be the time to speak up. Thanks.

Damn that sucks. He just moved here too. We wish him all our best. We'll keep you updated.

PREDICTION: SOMEWHERE TODAY THE BLAGGARDS WILL BE PLAYING

You know what is one of our favorite books here in the office? If you said How the Irish Saved Civilization, then you, good friend, have a psychic gift similar to the person our chief editor met last night who guessed his birthday five minutes after meeting her. He's still freaked out by it. He tells us he'll get out from under the bed soon. MEANWHILE! Being a civilization-saving people is no easy burden, and therefore when we celebrate our most famous non-Bono countryman, it's somewhat sad but true that many of the songs sung to not extol the virtues of remaining on the wagon.

And this St. Patty's day is neigh an exception. For the love of the County Claire, we beseech you to check out one bit of music or another brought to you by lovable local lads who may or may not be of the finest stock on the planet (note - just a friendly reminder to all you goolge calendar users out there: you can have our show list appear as a layer on your schedule. Click here to add it. How civilization saving).

So Many Dynamos, Blarney Back the Guns, Something Fierce, Gentleman Auction House @ Boondocks
Pitchfork, in their recount of SXSW happenings noted that "Very few bands manage to put on a spazzy, high-energy live show and still have great songs (think Brainiac and the Dismemberment Plan), and So Many Dynamos are one of them." But many of us already knew that. So be sure to catch them before they become a bunch of designer-jeans wearing sell out jerks like Bring Back the Guns, who stopped taking our phone calls ever since they were on some Oprah-hosted reality show last night with Tony Hawk. SK8 OR DIE! There is no feed for us to fawn over Something Fierce of Gentleman Auction house (currently on tour with the Dynamos. Also, this show is free.

Birds of Avalon, Monotonix, Dark Meat, Sharks and Sailors @ The Mink
OH MAN OH MAN! Monotonix was blowin up at SXSW like our IRA!! (Our retirement account, not the terrorist group. jerk). We seriously got alot of good feedback about this band over the weekend, and it won't be long before the abuzz about them means they'll never come to Texas again. Also, Sharks and Sailors just posted some pretty BA new tracks on their MySpace - a surprising departure from what they've done in the past that works unicorns on us.

Little Claw, Tyvek, The Wiggins @ Jet Lounge
Really? All three of these shows are tonight? Wait a sec, we need to put something in here.



Ah there it is. Doesn't really make us feel any better about it. What can be done. Oh well. Seriously Jet Lounge on a Monday sounds like a nice respite from the Orangemen for real. Party call me.

PS: The Blaggards are playing in Austin today. BOO!

Tontons: Damn new electronic wrist band.

Ramon: Matt and Kim are the nicest came ever.

Ramon: Matt and Kim are playing "the final countdown" :p

Bogle: these free jeans are pretty tight. Matt and Kim rockin it. I think this is the last tallboy of sxsw.

Ramon: man in watching some i have reached my threshold of music and booze! My app is kicked! i am a total Wuss!

Duglife: Kicked off my shoes. Cut off my wristband. It is over for me. Outstanding job blogging. Thank you Skyline!

Tom (Tontons): This was one of the only pictures i took. Its hearts of animals. Also Monotonix killed it.

Elissa: Just saw a trilobite emblem on a car... instead of the Jesus fish. Keep Austin Weird.

Mlee: Slits r cool but im tired. May not stay for gil mantera..

Carrie: Also sick of hills.

Carrie: Missed Octopus Project just barely but the party totally ruled.

Ramon: Best Friends Forever - best band name

Mlee:

Bogle: Just rode my cruisin cooler into American Sharks house party during their set. Passed out beers. Craigwarmth git a V8 and puked. Rode back out in a shower of beer.

Mlee: Bourbon rocks party call me

Ramon: Hearts of Animals is ripping it up!

Elissa: American Sharks. House Party inside. Hot as hell.

Roy Mata (Fatal Flying Guilloteens, Black Congress): Oh. Was i not supposed to take 3 pairs of the 200 headphones? Oh. NONE of them? Oops.

Jana Hunter: Jennifer Herrema (rtx)

Ramon: Christina Carter - I can't describe how good it is.

Mlee: Monotonix

Duglife: Crowd surfing at Matt and Kim? Into it!

Ramon: Danny Mee is still wrong! Deer Tick is amazing

Duglife: Matt and Kim started show with the final countdown.

Mlee Marie: My stage manager is strung out... and some bitch from san fran is going to get her snotty ass kicked. haha. Bitch called me a 'yokel.'

Ramon: holy Crap Jandeck is blowing my mind

Carrie: Hanging out with rockstars

Erik Bogle and Thomas Clemens (Bring Back the Guns)

Bogle: Mugshots. Not sure if I saw a band today. I think i remember something about how bbtg is supposed to play later. If so it will probably be epic.

Carrie: Love this bar.

Danny Mee: In a brilliant feat of event planning, Spiderhouse has elected to set up pa stage on the northeast side of a parking lot, forcing the bands to play their entire sets while staring directly into the sun.

Carrie: I think gil mantera borrowed peelander yellow's suit.

Bogle: me and shaggy just got our pictures taken sitting on harleys with hot chicks. Some harly promotion. Shaggy's are better than mine. Still. New myspace pics in effect.

Carrie: Gil Mantera is so famous

Elissa: Couple of dudebros just stripped in front of the stage. Got kicked out :(

Shaggy (Bring Back the Guns): Update: Forgot my cowboy hat. Lost in a barfight with Patrick Swayze because of it.

Ben Murphy: Apparently i am shawn adolph... $200 designer jeans free. Thanks Guilloteens!

Duglife: Standing on a generator on a sidewalk is the only way to see peelander z. Pics later

Bogle: best peelander show ever. Open bar @ creekside lounge. I think a band is playing.

Carrie: Peelander Z is so famous.

Duglife: Just saw Nick the Beard's doppleganger. He was wearing a Met's shirt.

Joe Mathlete: Thurston Moore tells lots of funny jokes during his set. Also Cley (Young Mammals) completely just farted in my car.

Danny Mee: J Mascis is surprisingly tame, barely louder than an average rock band. Then again he is playing an acoustic guitar.

Shu Latif (Danseparc): Elijah Wood is DJing right now in his hobbit feet.

Bogle: liquored up and ready to party. Thinkin peelander @ mohawk and the mess with tx party for breeders?

Danny Mee: Last night during White Rainbow's set @ Prague.
Club Girl: What's this guy called?
John Hunter: White rainbow
Club Girl: What kind of music is it?
John: psych
Me: you can hear it for yourself, he's playing right now.
Confused Club Girl: Wait, this is the show?

Danny Mee: Innoculist @ Spiderhouse: at the end of 'damascus' the head of one of my mallets flies off and nails heath flagtvedt in the crotch.

Duglife: Pretty much sums up my week so far.

Duglife: Connect 4!

John Adams and Roy Mata of Fatal Flying Guilloteens

Bogle: third marg. No food yet. Just got some free designer jeans. $167 says the price tag. Also. Had a dream that david fricke killed himself after seeing a guilloteens show.

Carrie: Kill me now.

Duglife: Free tequila and FFG. What a way to wake up.

Carrie: Amy winehouse at a carnival.

Carrie: Watching some dude that sounds like amy winehouse. The free tacos and vodka make it ok.

Carrie: Got turned away for rachel ray bs. I thought i rsvpd for everything.

PHOTOS: FATAL FLYING GUILLOTEENS @ RED SCOOT INN

Check out duglife's complete photoset of the show on his flickr.

Carrie: This is the line for Rachel Ray. Wft?

Katie Mitchell: Settle something for us... is little john one of the yin yang twins?

Bret Shirley: Sxsw update! I drank 2 beer in domy [bookstore] russel's shower. Shirts may or may not be worn today.

Co-Pilot: FWD:Full spread at trophy's bathroom. Note the vomit in the sink with the toilet just inches away.